Solomon's Bride

Kedar was a nomadic community in Northern Arabia that was known for its tents that were woven from black goat hair. The fact that she had a suntanned appearance revealed that she worked in the fields and she simply compared her dark skin to the tents of Kedar. She seemed to be embarrassed about her tanned complexion, but her lover really liked her dark skin. Feeling insecure as being different from the women of Jerusalem (v. 6), (who had fair, delicate skin compared to her course, dark skin) and at being alone while her lover is away (v. 7) she longs for the security of his presence. What she wanted most was his praises (v. 7).

It seems that Solomon is complimenting his beloved’s beauty and comparing her favorably with the women she feared (vv. 14-17). Just as the cypress blossoms appeared more beautiful in their stark surroundings, his lover’s beauty stood out in her surroundings.

APPLICATION:

What Solomon’s bride to be wanted most of all was his praises. This is something my wife has expressed to me many times and I need to be more mindful of doing this.  We will be the wisest husbands around if we ever learn this.
 

Loving Extravagantly

You might think by the title of this message that showing your love to each other extravagantly would involve spending a lot of money on each other - that it would involve taking an expensive vacation or buying expensive gifts for each other. Although loving extravagantly COULD involve those things, it could mean something much different. Loving each other extravagantly involves showing your love to your partner in a lavish way - beyond what comes normal - spending more of YOURSELF rather than money on your spouse. It involves showing "Random acts of kindness" and thanks-LIVING, and showing random acts of romancing to each other.

You see, too often when we marry we start to take each other for granted. We don't even realize it's happening to us. It starts to happen without us even noticing that it is - very subtly. The problem is, we become so familiar with each other, day in and day out, that we gradually forget to continue to do things for each other which will KEEP the "spark" in our relationship - and that can lead to marriage problems.

Doing little things that show favor and affection, displaying and saying our appreciation for one another and treating each other in respectful ways - being "intentional" in how we show our love are a part of the attraction we had to each other in the first place & will help to keep our marriages vital. It feels good to be noticed and appreciated by someone else. We too often forget that and start expecting things to be done, leaving aside common courtesies and appreciation for each other. Eventually our partner can feel no more appreciated than a piece of functional furniture.

When our love was new we didn't expect things to be done for us by the other person. We noticed every little action they did and showed our appreciation. But after marriage, because of the busyness of every day life and the work it takes to maintain a home, jobs, and family, we can forget our partner still has an inner need to be appreciated, respected, and honored by someone - someone special that will take notice of the little things they do. That someone special used to be us (and hopefully still is)! But some partners find themselves yearning to feel appreciated.

Some spouses faithfully, yet sadly, live with that yearning for the rest of their lives if their partner doesn't change their actions. But some become attracted to someone else outside their marriage for that very reason. (This doesn't justify their sinful behavior but it explains what happens in a lot of unfaithful marriages.) You see, the other person notices those nice little things that are done for them. Of course, to them those niceties are all new and unexpected, so they'll naturally notice it more than the tempted spouse. As they notice the "niceties" and find ways to honor them and express their thankfulness, the unappreciated spouse begins to feel better about themselves again and sometimes begins to feel an unexpected spark inside - an attraction, because they're no longer being taken for granted. Tragically some people act upon that attraction and that's when marriages are most threatened by infidelity.

We want to say right here that this isn't always the reason affairs start because some people will be attracted to others outside the marriage even if their spouse does all the right things to make them feel valued and appreciated. It's a character flaw within the unfaithful spouse to do what is wrong, which really has little to do with the person they're married to. (Although often they'll still blame the other spouse because they'd have a hard time living with themselves if they thought it could be their fault.)

With that said, we still want to make the point that "even if we have an unbending commitment to our mate, most of us are blind to how we lose our marriages by slow erosion if we don't keep replenishing the soil." (William Doherty) We need to be aware of importance of continuing to show our spouse they're appreciated no matter how long we've been married.

Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am".

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. It said...

"It is 5:00 am, wake up!"

Love one another. You must not get even.

Steve's Tip:  I once heard an amazing answer to the question of who should break the silence or seek forgiveness first when both spouses are mad at the other.  The answer?  The one who sees themselves are more mature.  Wow!  Such a brilliant answer!  (source: Love and Respect Series)
 

Forgive and Forget

Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my Mom mentioned what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'"

"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget what I've forgiven and forgotten."

How good it would be if we remembered what God has forgiven and forgotten, we might just be able to forgive and forget the one who took us for better or worse.

Happy marriages don't happen, they are worked at your whole life - Sumner
 

The Principles for Loving: Marriage

As we read the Bible, we need to keep in mind that THE PRINCIPLES FOR LIVING ARE ALSO THE PRINCIPLES FOR LOVING. This especially applies to how we live with the spouse that we've vowed before God to " love, honor, and cherish, 'til death" do we part.

We often forget that as believers in Christ, we've vowed to be "promise keepers" and also to have a servant's heart and posture in how we deal with each other. We're told in Philippians 2:3-8 that our attitude "should be the same as that of Christ Jesus". As those verses tell us: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. YOUR ATTITUDE SHOULD BE THE SAME AS THAT OF CHRIST JESUS : Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!"

As you read through these verses we challenge you to ask yourselves, "Do you, in humility, "regard one another as more important" than yourself? Is your attitude the same as that of Christ Jesus who, (with every "right" under heaven to put His interests first) emptied Himself of His rights? Do you take on " the very nature of a servant" when dealing with your spouse, humbling yourself, yet lifting them up (and this, without a complaining word)?

Our prayer for you this week is that you'll love your husband (or wife) in the same way that Christ has shown His love for you. We pray that you'll give up your personal kingdoms for the sake of God's kingdom, so that others will see the love of Christ sincerely displayed through your words and your actions. And as a result of this, they will be drawn all the closer to Christ.

Our love & prayers are with you as together we work to make our marriages a reflection of the love of God.

Steve & Cindy Wright Tucson , Arizona